LET’S PLAY ISMS AND OLOGIES

hands

Isms are a system, a philosophy, a belief – take your pick. We live in a world of isms and there is no escape. Our masked mouths and nostrils create more isms as speech is slightly muffled. I go to the shop and ask for a pound of isms. The cashier doesn’t even blink. With a smile she whisks a bag filled with isms.

‘You’re lucky today as these were returned. It ism what the customer expected. Do you want them all or ism you bothered?’ I’m filled with over optimism – a guarantee for my negativism. I am impressed with the cashier’s enthusiasm and professionalism. How many isms is that?

Any word ending in ology generally shows some aspect of knowledge. Show off your ologies and impress the world. Look forward to the day when you attend your grand-child’s PHD graduation and just pray it’s something sensible. You can’t boast to your neighbours that your grandchild is now a Stupidologist.

COVIDISM

covid

Covidism, much to my surprise is now part of our language and I thought I was being original. Google will give you various explanations about this particular ism. Personally, I think Covidism is over stimulation in the negative neurals creating fear. (I’m trying to be clever. Need 200 ‘likes’.)

However, fear is essential so that we play by the Covid strictures and decimate this virus once and for all. It’s now an inherent part of our daily language, our daily lives. We check the news. We message family and friends. We check in with Covid tracker stating whether we’re well or not. Our phones beep to remind us of the daily increases. And we are inundated with comical photos which make us laugh, releasing a much needed dose of endorphins.

Covidism has many side effects – not least being a spate of new words. ‘Maskne’ means your face mask is giving you acne. Welcome back to teenage angst.

My favourite word is ‘zoombombing’. You may ignore the knock on your front door when you’re WFH – working from home, but you can’t stop uninvited strangers invading your video conferences.

‘Quarantini’ I suspect is on the increase. The Covid Cocktail ingested in isolation.

If it’s ‘Blursday’ this is not necessarily because you inhaled too many Covid Cocktails. You are discombobulated by the Lockdown Effect. Welcome to what is now the real world of going viral.

CHOCOLATISM

choco

What is the sensory element that makes us crave chocolate? I’m not a psychologist or a dietician, or any other kind of ‘ist’ or ‘ian’. This is my personal view on Chocolatism. This is one ‘ism’ I openly admit to. First, it’s the visual sight of brightly coloured wrapping. Your eyes are drawn to the whole array on sale as you wait to pay for your healthy basket of food. Then the salivation starts which is further enhanced by the names. Wispa – whispering ‘eat me’. Aero – light and bubblesome. Galaxy. Star Bar. Milky Way. Mars. Note the whole ‘out of this world’ experience. Spaced out? You will be when you get on the weighing scales.

Some of these chocolates evoke childhood memories, some a particular occasion. Then my mind goes into overdrive imagining the taste, the smooth feel of the chocolate as it melts in my mouth. Then the sugar rush – more, more, more!

I do have a medical association with chocolate, which to my mind tells you it’s good for you. I know. The whole 99% chocolate, one measly piece only, but I’m talking about the ordinary everyday milk chocolate. After internal mouth surgery the one thing that soothed the pain was to keep a piece of chocolate in my mouth and let it melt. It did reduce the pain. Some people might say it was psychological but I’m convinced it helped.

So back to sugar rush and more, more, more! Oh, yeah! Just one more chocolate and then the nausea kicks in, stomach scrunching, mind screaming – ‘never again!’ Eyes veering back to the box – just one more! Just one more! Chocolate consumes me today and regret consumes me the following day. The will to eat only one or two pieces is not in my nature.

SHITISM

poop

Not an ism I’m keen on but blogged it will be. Walking down the street trying to avoid dog poop is not conducive to my mental health nor to my Sole. I want to ask all dog owners a question. If you’re out walking your shih tzu or and the human in front of you stopped and pooped on the pavement how would you feel? Outraged! Horrified! Disgusted! Well, as far as I’m concerned you letting your dog poop on a public pavement and not cleaning it up is no different. Please take your dog shit home and do with it what you will. Rumour has it that it makes a good facial mask. Also, a brilliant fuel to warm the cockles of your heart.

One of the cleanest places I’ve walked has been around the Arizona canal in Scottsdale. People walking their dogs used the plastic bags and poop bins provided – responsible and civilized. Let’s all leave the Shitisms where they belong, at home.

SIGHOLOGY

As The Oxford English Dictionary has added new words many of which seem like the first words your child says which don’t make sense, therefore I feel justified in creating my own.You may not be familiar with this particular Ology. It can be genetic and also learned. Free classes available for the uninformed.

Sighology is when you sigh constantly. There’s the ‘huh’ sigh when you’re puzzled. The’tut’ sigh when you disapprove of something or someone. There’s the ‘roll your eyes’ sigh greatly employed by teenagers and those sitting around conference tables. Release an exhalation of breath, preferably sweet smelling, or blow through pursed lips.

When you reach the top of a hill or a steep road you sigh, relieved you’ve made it. Then you sigh in despair – th ‘oh no cry for help’ realizing you have to climb back down. You sigh loudly when a work colleague swipes a pen from your desk drawer. You sigh when in pain. You sign when annoyed. When tired. When frustrated. When sad. Life is just one big long sigh.

CODOLOGY

sunglasses

Codology is when you kid yourself and everyone around you that all is well. You see the world through rose-tinted spectacles, all aglow and a glimmer. You cod yourself that if you ignore the shit in your life it’s not really happening. You cod yourself into a state of nirvana and convince everyone around you that codology is the new positive psychology. Keep it up sistah. Better to be a Codologist than a Sighologist. There are a lot more vacancies.

GOOGLE-OLOGY

google

My definition of google-ology is: state of the art of knowing nothing, but knowing a lot. The world of knowledge is at your feet, or rather at your fingertips. It’s depending on those dancing digits to discover the solutions and answers and then forgetting it all in a few minutes. Believe me, your fingers are not memory sticks.

You can google your way onto social media and like, dislike, love, hate, people’s innermost secrets which are no longer secrets. You can google-share on the world-wide web. You have a choice of being a responsible Google-ologist, or not. Knowledge is power. Don’t abuse it. Google-ology is a search for knowledge, a thirst, usually accompanied by a large Starbucks coffee, or naff instant if you’re WFH. Don’t cod yourself into Hav a state of google-ology and stop sighing! Have a wonderful week filled with isms and ologies and don’t trip over your own tongue.