LET’S GO TO VEGAS!
Are you sure you’re ready? Manic mindless where crazy artists painted the town red and forgot to stop. All senses heightened. Lurid. Weird. Wonderful. Mind Boggling. Music blasting out. Movement. Oxygen wheel-chaired people. Fakery: Eiffel Tower. Arc de Triomphe.
Fake Italy and many more. Roman statues galore. Fountains. One armed bandit. Beat beat beat beat! Thump thump thump thump! Boom boom boom boom! Dimly lit casinos articicially aired luring punters in with their promises of winning BIG money. Everything playing to the senses. Easy money? Not! But what a laugh and buzz you’ll never forget!
Las Vegas was named by the Spanish and it means The Meadows. There were a lot of meadows in 1854, in other words a lot of grasslands. The Strip is no longer green and luscious and the only pollination going on is likely to be of the human variety.
Vegas is now a towering, bustling, bursting at the seams, bubble of light and sound with such a high energy vibe, you would be a miserable git if you didn’t laugh and dance and smile as the world passes by.
People watching is a huge part of being in Vegas. You never know what you’ll see especially Downtown, so behave yourself as someone from your hometown could be watching. Behave to recklessly and you’ll end up on Social Media. You’re surrounded by cameras and they’re just the handheld ones. My favourite wall graffiti states: ‘Sorry Mum.’
TILL NAGGING DO US PART
This crazy city isn’t all about gambling. It’s a popular city in which to get hitched and has about 50 wedding chapels, more than enough to choose from, should you be inclined to take the plunge. Venues that range from the sublime to the ridiculous. Get married in a helicopter whilst flying over the city. Once you get your head out of the puke bag, you’ll appreciate the view. Now that’s class! The helicopter not the puke bag.
‘FOOLS RUSH IN’
You might prefer to prance down the aisle to one of Elvis Presley’s iconic songs: ‘Am I Ready’ or Fools Rush In.’ But who wants an ordinary wedding? Reach for the stars and get married on the Eiffel Tower Observation Deck at Harrah’s Hotel. It’s only 460 feet above ground. Just be careful where you throw your bouquet, unless the guests are wearing parachutes.
BLOW THE BUDGET
Head to Caesar’s Palace where you can get wedded, fedded (Poetic licence) and bedded, not necessarily in that order. Your choice unless Mammy is around. The Venus Garden or Juno Garden should be tropical enough for you. Just throw a handful of sand down.
And if any of your High-Maintenance-Manolo-Shod guests complain, well you know what to say! Renew your wedding vows, get a divorce and renew your husband. Driving along you’ll see adverts next to each other: $200 for divorce, $200 for bankruptcy, and a free car wash. Food for thought. Vegas caters for you all. Even better beat the world record and get hitched in every single venue. Failing that Ask Mr Wonderful from Shark Tank to do the deed and he might even throw in a bit of dosh if you’re worth investing in!!!!
BELLAGIO HOTEL UTTER LUXURY
So, you haven’t lost your dosh yet in the casinos. Why not treat yourself to a two bedroomed suite at the beautiful Bellagio Hotel, just over 1500 square feet. I know, not what you’re used to, but surely you can slum it for one night! There are also four bathrooms. Yes four! You can get steamed in the showers before getting steamed downtown Vegas, or if you jazz it up in the huge jacuzzi.
You won’t want to get out. The beds are king size, and that is one ginormous king, even big enough for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs The vertically challenged shorties among you including myself) might have to request a step ladder to climb into the bed. There is a beautiful sitting room with comfortable couches, dining area and of course the wee kitchenette with well stocked mini bar.
The views over the city are amazing, especially at night; towering buildings of every shape and size, lights glittering like a sea of stars and as you look down you can see miniature cars moving along the roads. Enjoy and take time to rest before you hit the town!
RETAIL THERAPY
Via Bellagio is the wow factor of shopping This is serious therapy. Prada, Chanel, Yves Saint Laurent, are just a few of the high-end luxury shops you can treat yourself to, assuming you’ve won the lottery, or you’ve broken into Fort Knox.
You are surrounded by glitz and glamour and opulence. Or take a stroll and check out Miracle Mile Shops just off the strip. If high-end fashion doesn’t excite you, there are plenty of shop selling a variety of Vegas t-shirts, usually three or four for ten dollars. The ultimate present for your best friend.
ENTERTAINMENT
Cirque du Soleil, eyepopping and amazing. Hypnotist Show which is hilarious especially if family members are participating. Watch the Bellagio Fountain dancing to classical music. Bungee jumping for a laugh. Zip Line Downtown Vegas which is not at all scary. I speak from experience. Free Concerts and Light Shows. Criss Angel, MINDFREAK Live at Planet Hollywood. There is so much to choose from, day or night so plan your trip well
DOWNTOWN VEGAS
Another world beyond compare. Live bands are playing as you prance and dance down the street. How can you not! You will see it all here: the weird, the wonderful and the woe-begone. Get whipped for a few dollars by a scantily clad beautiful young woman.
Stare at topless much much older women, I try not to, but hey ho, what can you say? Male strippers try to haul you in for a group photo, the kind of photo you don’t show your mother and especially not Aunt Hedwige. She will promptly cut you out of her will, although if family rumour is true, she was once a show girl in Vegas. Mini Michael Jacksons strut their stuff with amazing talent and verve. My favourite is the older man with the miserable face holding a placard that says: F…. Off! I laughed so much; he even broke into a smile. Had to give him a few dollars for creativity. Never forget: ‘What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.’
