The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) added 1400 new words this year to its mighty tome, and of course the Covid pandemic has given birth to quite a few. The word ‘pandemic’ is a daily utterance that has increased by almost 60,000%. Woah! And if you’ve been rejecting all public health advice you are a ‘covidiot’ or a ‘morona’. No nuance there – it says what it means.
I haven’t attended any ‘covideo parties’ via Skype or Zoom. This is a cheapskate’s ideal party as you can’t bring a bottle. Even the word ‘coronavirus’ has been simplified to ‘rona’, so you may want to reconsider naming your new baby – Rhona or Ron. Time to ‘covexit’ and see what other new words you can add to your daily dialogues.
I should rename this blog ‘mentionitis’, but I’m in a ‘kvetchy’ mood, grumbling, belly-aching, moaning – take your pick. It’s such a delicious word, but it might take a few weeks to get your tongue around it. Definitely one you will want to throw casually into the conversation. My ‘mouthie’ adores these new utterances and congratulations to all toddlers who I suspect knew all these already. Parents, beware of correcting your toddlers’ language. You may well be inhibiting their natural ability to expand the English language.
IMPRESS YOUR PALS
‘I was so ‘awedde’ when I heard you weren’t promoted’.
( I feel a pun coming on.)
‘I’m awedde on it and I’m going to ‘chillax’ for a while.
I know you all take a daily walk through the cow fields. Who doesn’t! However, besides the obvious avoidance of cow dung, which some say is a great face pack (future blog), walking through a cow field may leave you ‘farkakteh’ as in full of the proverbial you know what.
Stop ‘futzing’ around. That’s a teenager’s role, that wonderful aimless-apparent-busyness they employ when you ask them to do something. Otherwise known as the AAB syndrome. They never quite make it to C. My apologies to all amazing parents who have raised non-futzy teens.
‘Farkakteh’ is open to many misspellings, not least ‘Kak’ which is frequently used in South Africa. I now add my own personal Kakless to the wonderful melange of worthy words, a trifle of amazing propensity that will not glug your sinks up.
It’s only taken us humans 1000 years or so to develop 600,000 words plus. We’re a bit slow off the mark. Can you imagine knowing all of them and being the scrabble champion? The Oxford English Dictionary has added 500 new words. These are some of the 2019 delights.
Tell your partner that she looks ‘angeliferous’. She will love you forever assuming she’s not allergic to angels. Follow it up with ‘Angel Pie’. She may give you a strange look and no doubt start to think you’re being unfaithful to her, or have a craving for the whip-your-tastebuds-into-action pie.
When you arrive at work in the morning is the sight of your boss ‘angin’ – so unpleasant to see you want to puke? Best not to tell him or her they’re angin or minging, a word I used to tell my children off for using when they were teenagers. I know it’s ‘awfy’ that you weren’t promoted, but that’s no excuse. I don’t care how ‘arlarse’ your boss is, your mother brought you up better than that. However, if your boss is an arse, I mean, an ‘arlarse’, then I forgive you. Be warned that if you are too ‘cockerty’, life is lonely when you don’t have a job.
MORE AMAZING UTTERANCES
Daily compliments to family, friends, and foes, should include ‘apaugasma’. Okay, I hear you. You what? But consider how wonderful they will feel when you tell them that you’ve always admired their ‘apaugasma’.
You could say you’ve always admired their effulgence or propensity to glow, their radiance, but why not push the boat out (not literally). Don’t be surprised if they look puzzled and walk away throwing you a ‘what-the-hell-is-wrong-with-you-glance.
Now tell me this and tell me no more. Don’t stretch your answer out. That’s my area of expertise. Did you buy your child or grandchild stuffie? Aw! But really he or she might be too old for ‘stuffies’. You should get him or her ‘summink’ or ‘sumptin’ else.
Are you Nomophobic? Do you feel anxious when you are separated from your phone? This is actually a psychological condition and it’s a global phenomenon. Words associated with this are: ringxiety, techno-stress and over-connection.
You are so ‘Adorkable’. So cutely socially awkward I could just pinch your chubby cheeks. It’s okay to call a baby’s cheeks chubby, but I suggest that you refrain from that description when they are older. Incidentally, is it only Irish mammy’s who pinch your cheeks when you are 13? So not PC or complimentary.
Who wants to behave in an ‘Adulting’ fashion? Will you still be living in your parents home when you are 40? Getting a tattoo on your posterior when you are 50? Colouring your hair a lurid pink when you are 60? You gotta do what you gotta do.
Do people who serve or sell cakes have a title? Of course. Cake boy – Cake girly – Cake woman – Cake man – every young child’s dream profession, although working in Willy Wonka’s chocolatastic-factory is a strong contender. And if you didn’t know, ‘cakeage’ is the fee charged by restaurants when you supply your own cake. Should I call the Cake boy to cakeage my cake?
This one is extremely important. Natives of Crete are now called ‘Candian’ as opposed to ‘Cretans’, not to be confused with cretins. The same word can be pronounced in so many different ways depending which country you are in. Add colloquial speech to that mix and have fun.
This is one of my all time favourites. The teacher asked the child to use the words – defence, defeat and detail in a sentence. The response was:
‘The cow jumped over de fence, de feet first, and de tail last’. I ain’t gonna argue with that.
The South African must-have-in-your-cupboard is Mrs Ball’s chutney. Whoever came up with the word ‘awesomesauce’ must have been raised on this chutney.
The English Branston’s Pickle is another one that comes to mind. Lashings of butter, pickle, cheddar cheese, on white bread. I know! Sliced white bread is so not PC anymore with the foodies or health-conscious super-people, but a blast from the past is worth being bunged up. I was amazed to see one jar for sale on Amazon for E24.99. Ooh la la!
You know YOU are ‘Awesomesauce’! Stand in front of the mirror and repeat –
I am Awesomesauce! I am Awesomesauce! I am Awesomesauce!
Finally, my eldest son sent me this word this morning. He must be psychic, considering he doesn’t know what blog I’m working on, or he’s hacked into my docs. Ikigai is the Japanese idea of finding your purpose in life, a sense of fulfillment and passion. To put it in a nutshell – finding your meaning in life, or as the French so succinctly say: raison d’être. So off you go and find your ‘Ikigai’. It’s something you’ll never regret.
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